the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
