Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
