brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
