I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize