Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
