When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Let's paint friendship bongs
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize