nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
