I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
