And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
