I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
