I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
