they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Randomize
