So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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