Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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