i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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