Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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