OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
