i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
