My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
