So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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