I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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