Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
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