dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
