We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
