either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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