So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
