Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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