the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
