Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize