you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
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