tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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