I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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