you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
