Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
