I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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