In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
