You're completely useless in the revolution.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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