I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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