I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I puked a lego.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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