rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
