theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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