This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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