i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
