8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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