I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize