I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
