Fine. I'll sleep in my office
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
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