he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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