ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Randomize
