oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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