I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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