The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
