You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
