We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
