Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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