I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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