6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
