hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
