coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize