mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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