Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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