I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
