Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
we should paint friendship bongs
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
