Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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