Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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