do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
