im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
