just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
now i know why i became what i already was.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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