I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
