jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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