im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
