I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
